'The best $720 I ever spent' or 'The Outback Adventures of Scragglebeard'

September 26th to October 5th were the best ten consecutive days I've ever had. The Northwest Trip into the heart of Western Australia was one of the best experiences of my life. The trip is organized and partly sponsored by Murdoch International, meaning that the only people allowed to attend are international students here at Murdoch. And since I qualified in that regard, and the price tag for a 10 day, all inclusive trip into the wild Australian outback was only a measly $720, I decided to take them up on their deal. God, I'm so glad I did.

Since it's kind of daunting task to describe every single detail about this trip I'll give you the basics and then the details from each of the days on the trip. It should be a good time for all.

So the whole trip started at Murdoch at 8am and first took us along the coast of Western Australia, mostly though coastal tourist towns. We stayed at Lynton Station, Hamelin Pool, and Coral Bay. After we got sick of regular old beach sand and beautiful clear blue water, we made our way into the heart of the West Australian outback in a region known as the Pilbara. We stayed at Karijini National Park for 2 nights and then made our way back to Perth by staying in the mining town of Newman for one night and Wogarno Sheep Farm the other. We made it back to Perth around 3pm on the last day. Now the details:

Day 1: After spending all day in the bus trying to get as far north as we could before sunset, we arrived at Lynton Station. It is an old convict camp from Australia's rough and tumble days. There was a huge hill looming over the camp so without regard to snakes, spiders, or the ghosts of old convicts, we all climbed the hill to watch the sunset. Such an amazing view of the Indian Ocean. Our guide told us a story of a student on a previous trip who walked up the same hill we did, at four in the morning and couldn't find his way back. He was wandering for an hour before a local farmer picked him up and took him back to camp. Let's just say that was a deterrant to going anywhere at night. Not to mention there's something called a 'coastal death adder' that doesn't exactly sounds too friendly. Sadly, the sunset was almost entirely covered by clouds. It's ok though, cause we all played spoons after dinner and I won.

Day 2: Spent a lot of this day driving, but we did see a lot of really cool stuff. Along the coast there were these huge cliffs close to the town of Kalbarri. We could see humpback whales migrating off the coast and the waves hitting the sides of the cliffs were massive. Such a beautiful stop here. Then we headed off the Kalbarri National Park which is like the Grand Canyon, but a more tame version. Beautiful red rocks and a river running through it. The road to get there was intense though. It was pretty much dirt, gravel, and large rocks on the road for a good 30km. Somehow people still slept on the bus even though it was vibrating the entire time. We got to Hamelin Pool right before sunset, set up tents, and immediately started drinking. It was good though because we played an ice breaker, you know. Name, home country, and most embarrassing moment. Then we did 'cheers' after everyone. So much fun, plsu we all got to know each other's names. I did the story about when I threw a chicken wing on Bridget Lawless at Gorman's.

Day 3: I saw dolphins! We drove to Monkey Mia and spent the whole day on this beautiful beach in Shark Bay. I didn't get chosen to feed the dolphins but my flatmate Carly did. There was a baby dolphin so no one was able to go in the water right by the dolphins. Oh well, they probably smelled like fish anyway. A bunch of us all hired ocean kayaks and paddle boats and went out into the water though. Incredibly blue, beautiful, clear water. I saw a sting ray at the bottom of the ocean floor. After Monkey Mia we stopped off at Eagle Bluff to look for sharks. No shark, but I did cut my foot on a rock, yeah! That's what I get for wearing flip flops on a rocky cliff. After Eagle Bluff we went to Shell Beach, which is exactly how it sounds. A beach with no sand, only small cockle shells. Very surreal. Camp was so fun tonight. The Americans taught the Germans Circle of Death. I felt bad though, a lot of it is word games and English isn't their first language. No mercy though.

Day 4: Best morning so far. We stopped at this tiny roadhouse in the middle of nowhere that had a small bakery. Got an apple strudel...so amazing. We didn't have much driving to do so we got to our place for the next two nights at 3pm, it was this old sheep farm with bunkhouses. We even had a patio with chairs and a fire pit. The guides took us to this amazingly secluded beach with huge waves and really soft sand. There was no one else for miles. We swam and sun bathed for hours. When the sun went down the beers came out and everyone just enjoyed each other's company for a long time. Monty brought a backgammon board and I was so pumped! I haven't played on an actual board since I've been here. I was having withdrawals. I played five games and won every one of them. I even got $5 out of one of the guys. A very good night indeed.

Day 5: Went snorkeling in Coral Bay today. Even though the town is quite touristy I forgot all about it once we got out into the reef in the glass bottom boat. I had never been snorkeling before (not too many places to go in Illinois) and it was incredible. The reef was made up of so many interesting things. A lot of these huge plants that looked like heads of cabbage and trees without leaves. Every now and then one of them would be neon blue. The fish we saw were intense. I think I saw at least half the cast of Finding Nemo. As I was coming onto the boat, the driver was feeding snapper fish and I accidentally put my hand on one. It bit my hand and actually broke the skin. Damn boat driver. We found the only bar in Coral Bay after snorkeling and enjoyed a pint.

Day 6: Our guide, Al, was like a big grumpy bear the entire trip. I mean, he does a ton of these trips for loud, obnoxious college students all the time. We were his 25th trip. Every morning at 6am (sometimes even 5:45) he would walked around and yell 'Wakey wakey!', 'Time to get up!', 'Up by 6 gone by 7'. A very punctual man that's for sure. Today we drove...all day. We had to go like 800km in one day. The only stops we made were long drop toilets in the middle of the outback. We got to Karijini National Park just before sunset. The dirt there was blood red. It's because of the iron ore in the ground that rusts when it rains. The temperature at night was incredible. I skipped sleeping in a tent and slept under the stars. Since Karijini is so secluded there's no running water anywhere. We had to use a long-drop toilet. Here's my first encounter with one: Nature called. I walk to long drop toilet after sunset with flashlight. Enter toilet. Shine flashlight on toilet. I count six cockroaches in and around bowl of toilet. Mental block against 'number two' ensues. I decide to wait until the visitor's centre tomorrow afternoon.

Day 7: Went to the first gorge of Karijini in the morning. It was called Hancock gorge and it was incredibly beautiful. After hiking down inside the gorge we trek along, stopping only to take pictures. We came to a large open area of the gorge that looked like a natural amphitheater. After filling up our water bottles in the clear, perfect water in the waterfalls, we entered the Spider Walk. It's a very narrow section of the gorge with a slippery stream running through it. The best way to traverse it is to spider walk through it with both feet and hands holding on to the rock. So awesome. Only a few people fell. It emptied onto a pool of water in the shadow of the gorge with cliffs on each side. It was called Kermit's Pool. We all took turns jumping into the water, which was the perfect temperature. After about a half hour of cliff jumping we headed back out to another pool in a different gorge. We drove to the pool and it was stunning. It was called Circular Pool in Dales Gorge. It was a giant green pool of water surrounded by black, algae covered rocks with water falls. Standing underneath the waterfalls was just like walking into a warm shower. Again we found cliffs to jump in from. This time a lot higher than at Kermit's Pool. There were other people down there and we quickly became the entertainment by jumping off these cliffs. The water here was so pleasant. After we had our fill of swimming and jumping we went back to camp and I slept under the stars again. I learned this the next day but I was sleep talking. I was next to Craig and and woke up and asked him how to find the Southern Cross. Then, when asked if I was sleep talking I replied with a defensive 'no' and mumbled something about the Southern Cross and went back to sleep. The Outback makes me crazy!

Day 8: Saw a dingo while I was brushing my teeth today! I alerted most of the camp. After breakfast we went to the most beautiful place in the world. Fern Pool. It was stunningly beautiful. The water was like a pane of green glass. Two waterfalls only made it that much more picturesque. If only I could wake up like that everyday, with a 2 hour swim in gorgeous freshwater. We were literally in paradise. If there weren't so many people around it would've been the best place in the world to go skinny-dipping. I have to go back sometime in my life. After Fern Pool we walked a bit to Fortescue Falls. It was nice, but anything after Fern Pool was just a disappointment. We sunbathed and again found more cliffs to jump off. In the afternoon we left Karijini for the long trek back to Perth. I sobbed for hours in mourning of Karijini. We got to our stop for the night, a caravan park in the mining town of Newman. When I opened my tent back to set it up for the night, the world's largest spider was just chilling in there. I proceeded to scream like a girl and jump around. Our guide Craig (the human embodiment of the term 'badass') then picked up said spider and chucked away from camp. Then went back to his business while I was still peeing my pants. Kudos Craig. The night wore on and people got significantly more inebriated. So much so that I was christened with a new nickname. Because of my 'mountain man' like beard and relative uncleanliness, I was given the title of Scragglebeard. Not to mention a whole premise for a TV sitcom involving me, Scragglebeard, and my trusty sidekick, Frank the Friendly Dingo. We solve crime.

Day 9: Woke up outside, somehow. Newman was a crazy night. As we were putting our tents away we noticed two gentlemen watching our camp from a bunkhouse close by. Our Murdoch Rep, a friendly man named Martin, sauntered over to them and made conversation. The two gentlemen were miners who had taken a liking to the females in our group of young travelers. Said they were very beautiful, and if they were willing, would very much like to have relations (my word, not theirs) with one or many of them. Apparently the way the mines work is that men go to work there for 3 weeks, with other men. Then they come to Newman for a week off. Let's just say the women in Newman are hard to come by. Our girls were not impressed with the miners and therefore did not take them up on their offer. After leaving Newman were on the road from dawn til dusk. Got to our final stop for the trip. A sheep farm in the middle of the Outback. We picked the right night because there was a music festival going on. We had dinner and headed over to the shearing shed to watch the bands. There was a trio of percussionists first, but the main event was Dr. Robin Fox who did experimental electronic music. He had a green laser that moved in sync with his beats. The fog machine only added to the trippy-ness. A truly amazing and surreal experience.

Day 10: Our trip finally came to an end. Made it back to Murdoch around 3:30 in the afternoon. It was sad to say goodbye to our buses, guides, new friends and all we had left was pictures and memories. If it was that hard to leave the Northwest, I can't even imagine how hard it will be to leave all of Australia.

What do you mean you've never been to a crayfish party?

As of this past Saturday, the 20th of September, 2008 I can now officially utter the phrase above. I am no longer a crayfish party virgin, like a good percentage of the rest of the world. Apparently, this time of year is crayfish season in Sweden. And what do you do when it's crayfish season? That's right, you have a party! Now, this isn't your average party. This party has hats. Hats with crayfish on them. There's songs too. Songs about crayfish. And bibs. All the bibs have crayfish on them. Are we starting to see a trend within the crayfish party? There's a lot of friggin' crayfish.

The night started out awesomely. I put on my blue and yellow plaid shirt. I had to represent the country where this fine tradition originated. I made it over to my good Swedish friend Martin's flat with the party decorations. We had a crayfish banner and crayfish place mats. We had photocopies of all the crayfish songs. We made Martin's living room into the ultimate crayfish party place. As people started arriving, and putting on their hats you could begin to feel the excitement. The food was brought out and the air was rich with crayfish juice, garlic, and pure, unadulterated joy for the upcoming feast.

The crayfish themselves were kind of creepy. Just like tiny lobsters. They had eyes. stared at you. Always judging. Martin grabbed the first of many crayfish and demonstrated the correct way to gut a crayfish. Each motion made a delicious yet sickening crunching noise. Twist tail. Crunch. Pull tail. Crunch. Insert fork under shell, lift up. Crunch. Remove shell. Crunch crunch. Remove crayfish poo. Squish. Crayfish is now ready for eating. The best way to do it was to put Eyes that it on a piece of bread and smother it in this homemade garlic aioli sauce. It tasted so much better than it sounded. By the end there were heaps of mangled crayfish lying everywhere and everyone reeked of garlic, so you know it was a good party.
I became very fond of the crayfish hats throughout the night. I ended up with two for a good portion of the party. That's me and my friend Karin above, I was rockin' the dual crayfish hats. As the party progressed, if it ever started to die down, one of the Swedes would demand we sing a song. My favorite was called Helan Gar. They tried to translate it and it basically states that if you don't take a shot after singing the song, you're a wuss and no one will like you. That actually seemed to be the gist of all the songs we sang. Hmm...odd. Well let's just say no one was calling me a wuss and everyone loved me by the end of the night. I am a HUGE fan of crayfish parties. SKOAL! (That's 'Cheers!' in Swedish, a helpful word in these situations).

P.S. I won't be posting again until the second week of October because I'm venturing into the Australian outback for a 10 day trip. I'll be sure to post again after that! Adios!

"She just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich"

Ah, the land down under. Majestic, with its rolling mountains in the Outback, the trendy urban lifestyle, the accents. It really just makes you want to put a shrimp on the barbie, eh? Hmm, now let's see. I haven't put any shrimp even close to a barbie. In fact, they don't even have shrimp here, only prawns. Hey wait a minute, I haven't been given a ride on a kangaroo either, or fed a koala! Australia is such a ripoff! Ok, maybe if I was completely disillusioned the previous statements might make sense. There seems to be a lot of stereotypes about the Australian culture when it is in fact extremely similar to that of America's. I haven't met anyone even closely resembling, in behavior or dress, Steven Irwin or Crocodile Dundee. I haven't even come close to seeing the Outback (I will in about a week though!). I haven't learned to play the didgeridoo. Nobody has proclaimed 'Crikey!'. The only people who say 'G'Day' are on television. And while I may have met quite a few laid-back Australians, I've met some uptight ones too, and some crazy ones, and some intelligent, and some not so. The point is, people are complex and it's hard to lump a group of them into one file folder in your head, under the label 'Australians'. This goes for any nationality, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or age. Don't get me wrong I love the song "Down Under" by Men at Work, but no one has yet to offer me a Vegemite sandwich (not that I would take it, Vegemite seems to be an acquired taste, and I don't plan on acquiring it).

So I'll most likely cringe when I return home and the first questions I get are the most stereotypical. "Did you see a kangaroo?" "Did you go surfing?" "Where's your accent?" When the real questions should be about the people I met, the real experiences I had, the undeniable truths I learned about myself and my fellow human beings. I'm not here to be a tourist.

Ok, reading back that all sounds a bit defensive. So, no I haven't seen a kangaroo, yes I have been surfing, and I don't have an accent because I was born in the United States. That makes Q & A a little easier.

In Australia, Footy is king.

Every country has a sport that its residents adore. For most of Europe and Brazil, it's Soccer. In the US it depends on the season, but I think most would consider Baseball to be 'America's favorite past time' (at least that's how it's billed). In Australia, Aussie Rules Football (AKA Footy) is more important than life itself. And now I know why. It's awesome.

I went to my first footy game about 2 weeks ago. A friend got a free ticket so I went to cheer on the Fremantle Dockers. I had seen it on TV and understood a little bit of it. One of my flatmates is a Footy fan and filled me in on some of the rules and game play. Although she's a West Coast Eagles fan so I think I'm supposed to hate her. The game was so fun, so much better than any sport in the US, except Ultimate Frisbee, of course. It's so fast paced and intense that anything can happen in the game, and it usually does. It's basically the love child of American Football and Rugby. The guys who play are super intense. No protection during the game, except maybe a mouth guard (but only if you're a wuss). The goal is to get the ball through the goal to score six points. You can only kick the ball or punch it to your teammates, no throwing. Oh, and you can totally wail on anyone, at anytime. Just no pushing or face shots. Other than that, it's all fair game. Sometimes fights just break out on the other side of the field, nowhere near the ball.


Freo won the game by a lot but didn't make it to the playoffs :( They're going on right now in Melbourne I believe. There's 16 professional teams throughout Australia, with 2 in Perth. I guess each city has about 2 teams and Melbourne is like the Footy capital of Australia with like 9 of the 16 teams being from Melbourne. Watching the news is hilarious because it'll be like 10 minutes of actual news and then 20 minutes of Footy recaps and various news segments about the players. So funny. I guess Australians have their priorities straight.

Only one question comes to mind: How far can you kick a quokka?

Rottnest Island. A refuge for those troubled with life in a big city. Life moves just a little bit slower on Rottnest, and you now what, that's just fine with everyone. No cars on the island means that biking becomes the only mode of transportation. 63 different beaches allow for complete solitude while enjoying the raw beauty of nature. Even a few conveniences from the mainland make their presence known: There's a Subway and a Red Rooster. I know it sounds like utopia and it is! Humans and wildlife even live in perfect harmony...sometimes.

This is the story of how I, Luke Runyon, became a refugee from the island of Rottnest. I'll do my best to do this story justice and give full attention to all details. Here goes.

It was a beautiful day on Rottnest. 75F/24C, not a cloud in the sky. The sun beat down and 13 rowdy university students found themselves in the midst of Eden. My flatmate Amanda was turning 20, a big occasion and we planned to give it its due. With a bottle shop on the island they were practically begging us to drink. Enjoying the company of friends and the euphoric effect of booze, several party goers thought it a great idea to remove their clothing before taking a late night swim. The skinny dippers enjoyed their romp through town at 10:30pm seeing only one conscious soul in their naked journey from the beach to the cottage. After a night of laughter and naked swimming everyone was exhausted and tuckered in for the night, thinking nothing much of the romp through town.


Morning comes. I venture into town, grab some Subway. As I make my way back but what do I see but a Ranger's truck in front of our cottage. "Hmmm...that's odd," I ponder. I walk into the porch to find two large men (one with a beard that says 'Don't mess with me, k?') Bearded man goes on to explain to the group that while they did not approve of our naked romp through the town of Rottnest (which was captured on CCTV) it was merely a slap on the wrist. He also overlooked the fact that we had open containers in public, a girl left her bra on the beach by accident and that we had 13 people staying in an 8 person cabin. The real heart of the matter was that somebody kicked a quokka.
Let me pause for a second to explain the quokka. They're a marsupial. Try to imagine if a rat and a kangaroo had baby. That's what a quokka looks like. I had a few experiences with the furry beasts in the previous day, even stopping for a bit to feed one a eucalyptus leaf, which they love ever so much. I mean, I don't want one for a pet or anything but I would never go out of my way to hurt a quokka, or any living thing for that matter. I feel like the rest of my friends on the island share this sentiment.

Now the ranger tells us of the mysterious "eyewitness". Here's how the quokka-kicking went down according to the witness: A group of 3 people, one male, two female, were walking back from the beach. Females were naked, male was in board shorts. Enter helpless quokka. Male gets a running start and kicks poor, innocent quokka 3 metres over a nearby fence, only after proclaiming, "Let's play some quokka soccer!", in a loud and authoritative voice. Naked group of three then continues to walk away and enter into the cottage. I don't know about you, but this story reeks of bullshit. Apparently the ranger's bullshit detector was broken and our pleas to be heard were not of his concern. Excuse me, but if I'm going to be accused of quokka murder, I want a fair trial. Who is this eyewitness? What did they have to gain from framing us?

Well, we were told we were being "section 60-ed" off the island. That means that we had until 4pm that day to leave the island otherwise we would be arrested. All 13 of us. Not exactly the way I would've liked to have ended my stay on Rottnest. So we try to get on the last ferry from the island at 4pm. It's full. Oh shit, we're going to be arrested for staying on this beautiful island. Oh wait, no, what's that kickass speed boat doing? Really, we get to ride on that? Are you kidding me?! This is awesome! We need to get kicked off islands more often! WOOOO! He's doing donuts in the water! This is amazing!



And thus ends my brief, yet action packed trip to Rottnest Island.

"As days go by, it's the bigger love of the family." Family Matters, anyone?

=









They always say that family values are what keep a country together. I'm not sure who 'they' are in that previous sentence but I think they're true to some extent. I don't usually play into that whole 'family values' bullshit that a lot of people are using to keep marijuana illegal or ban gay marriage, but here this household, right here...in flat 21, right smack dab in Perth, we take our family dinners incredibly seriously. When it's family dinner night, you sit your ass down and you enjoy the cooking of your fellow flatmate.

I cooked last Thursday and it was amazing. It was a chicken alfredo pasta bake with spinach, that's right, SPINACH! I made my own friggin' alfredo sauce too! I owned that pasta bake! I started at about 5:15 since everyone wasn't going to be back until 6:30 or so. The recipe said to allow for 45 minutes of prep and cook time, but I wanted to give myself the benefit of the doubt. I cranked up my music and went to work. Dancing around the kitchen, I became one with the food. There was no longer a differentiation between me and the pasta bake, we. were. one. Deep, I know.

The flatmates were treated to a nose feast when they walked in. Garlic, parmesan, herbs, and more garlic. I don't want to brag but this smörgåsbord of flavor would've made you believe in God. I was even a believer, at least until the end of the meal.

We talked about each other's day. Made little family inside jokes. Ragged on Nate, as always. Just enjoyed each other's company. So nice.

So if they are right about all that family values stuff, I'm pretty sure Australia's gonna be just fine cause flat 21's family values are solid. Our blood runs hell deep. Ya dig?

The Tim Tam Slam: A True Cultural Experience

Who would've thought that I would be meeting very few Australians while living in Australia? The Village is like a little bubble filled with international students and very few Australians (at least that I've met). I keep trying to soak up Australian culture but it's kind of difficult when I don't live with a true-blooded Aussie. One of my flatmates grew up in Perth but has been living a good chunk of her life in the United States so she kind of counts. But still. I yearn for some kind of glimpse into the lives of my temporary fellow countrymen and women! Alas, I've found it! The Tim Tam Slam!

This art of biscuit-soaking is one that requires great skill and determination and perhaps decades to master correctly. I, a humble novice in the art of Tim Tam Slamming, will do my best to outline the correct way to Slam. I took pictures so you can follow along at home. Make sure to ask an adult first though.

1. Prepare your ingredients. You will need a cup of hot liquid, preferably something with flavor. The popular choices are coffee or hot chocolate. However, word on the street is that you can use tea, Milo, or even more daring, a liqueur such as Irish Creme. Then gather up your beloved Tim Tams, the chocolate covered biscuits I have grown to love in three short weeks. One is not sufficient, especially for the true lover of Tim Tams. Two is standard for an evening snack, with a whole carton of Tim Tams acceptable to be consumed as an entire meal. Trust me, they're that good.
2. This is where it starts to get tricky for the novice Slammer. Carefully bite opposing corners of the Tim Tam to be slammed. Essentially, you want the Tim Tam to become a chocolate-y, biscuit-y straw. Make sure to not bite off too much or too little as the entire slam depends on your ability to create enough of a vacuum in the Tim Tam to suck up liquid. Watch out for holes in the biscuit's chocolate coating as they will inhibit the ability to suck. Locate the hole and put your finger over it to allow for maximum suckage.


3. Now it's time for the main event. Clear your head and prepare yourself for the imminent Slamming of the Tim Tam. Keep your hands steady with ample support given to the Tim Tam. Place one of the bitten ends into the liquid (in this case coffee) and suck. Now you don't have much time once the act actually begins. After roughly three or four seconds of solid sucking, the Tim Tam will begin to collapse you only have one chance to get the whole thing in your mouth in one piece. I tend to prefer Double Coat or Caramel Tim Tams as the Double Coat gives more of a external structural support while the Caramel gives an internal support. Either way they ensure a successful slam.

4. The actual act of slamming is quite spiritual. The mind is clear, the body is relaxed and the soul is patient. It's almost an indescribable feeling. Like, the world is good again. I think I saw stars the last time I slammed. Your surroundings become a blur of chocolate-y, caramel-y goodness. Voices become silenced and you get a glimpse of Tim Tam heaven for a couple seconds. "Should I go towards the light?" "Dear God, yes!"

One final tip. Don't do the Slam in the mornings cause it'll make your whole day seem like shit in comparison.

Editor's Note: After reading this post I noticed an ample amount of sexual innuendos peppered throughout the text and even in the images. Comments of a sexual nature on this post will be expected. I totally deserve it.